The testimony of Igor Grek

My father was a drug addict, and he did not live with us. My grandmother and grandfather poured their love into me, they did their best to help me, but I did not care. I was skipping school, bullying other kids, torturing animals, lying to grandparents and other people. I began to use drugs, smoke cigarettes and drink alcoholic beverages. I liked it very much. And in order to have all of that, I needed money. And I learned to lie and steal, and extort money from people in all sorts of ways. For me, there was only one goal – just to get more of some dope. And, besides getting high, I did not see anything else in the life. And by doing this, I was constantly hurting other people.

More than once my grandparents rescued me from prison and from other problems, but eventually I nevertheless ended up in jail. Grandparents were hoping that prison would correct me. But by the time I got out of prison, they died. My relatives reached out to me, they also tried to take care of me, thinking that I had gotten better. But I continued in the same way of life, nothing had changed. And again, I ended up in prison, and again everything was the same: I was taking drugs and drinking alcohol. And I got 10 years of prison. Freedom, at which I constantly looked with drunk eyes, and intoxicated with drugs, was gone altogether. I constantly caused suffering to people, because I didn’t want to work, and I liked to get money easily, that is by stealing, bullying, taking away.

I was tired of all of this, both morally and physically. My emotional resources were exhausted. I started living in the streets, even though I had a home, but I still lived in the streets. I constantly drank day in, day out. Sometimes I was using drugs. I have replaced everything in my life with the vodka. I lived off garbage cans. All I could work physically was to dig in the garbage cans to find empty bottles, take them to recycle place, and get some money to buy vodka. Because I lived on the street, I froze my legs off. I had wounds all over my body that would not heal. At night, I often hallucinated. At times, I could not get up without someone’s help. This kind of life was leading me to inevitable death.

And one evening, a friend convinced us to go to a church located in the area, where I lived. It was in the fall, so it was getting dark earlier, and we did not know the time of the services, because we never cared about that. So, we went. The church was closed, and the man to whom our friend was taking us to, was getting in his car after the service. I introduced myself to him (his name was Pasha), and he said that he serves God and people, by preaching in the church. He said, “If you want to change your life, you can do it.” He didn’t want anything from us at all, but was only encouraging us to change our life. He asked us not to be drunk, when he comes to see us, and he will come wherever we tell him to. So, he came, and we went to the hospital to get all the necessary papers for the rehab center. It took us some time because we had multiple health problems. But Pasha prayed all the time, and he was teaching me to pray. Finally, I arrived in Kiev to start rehabilitation at the church rehab center.

I arrived there in the beginning of winter, on the first or the second of December. And in the end of the winter one night, sitting by the window, I was talking to God. And this conversation turned into the prayer of repentance. I was crying and asking God to forgive me for everything I did: I hurt people and animals – all God’s creation. And He was reminding me of things that I had already forgotten – and I felt all that pain I caused to others. I remembered what I did to people, how they suffered from me, from my behavior, from my life, from what I did. This prayer lasted for about 40 minutes, 30-40 minutes. I was in such a state, that I could no longer talk to God. I asked Him to wake me up early in the morning so that I could continue talking with Him. Yes, I asked Him about it. And why I asked Him about that, was because everybody was getting up at 7AM. I did not have an alarm clock to wake me up. But I relied on God that somehow He would get me up.

He woke me up at 5 o’clock in the morning, and I woke up, and immediately the thought came to my mind: “I asked Him, so I should get up now.” And I got up and continued talking to Him. This time I did not speak to Him with the pain in my soul, but with the joy in my heart, because He reminded me of such things that are pleasing to Him. And He gave me peace, He made it clear to me that I should follow Him and live like that from now on. I realized that He forgave me and saved me from death and gave me new life. Now I just need to thank the Lord. How can I thank Him? By serving Him, serving people – this should be my gratitude to God. That’s all I see. This is how it happened in my life.